Drowning
by Mikey Parkas
Summary: Bobby is awake.R
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.

The ride back to the plaza was unbearable. He could feel Eames' eyes on him, hear her question before she even asked it.

"Are you ok?"

There it was. Bobby couldn't count the number of times that he'd heard her utter those words, and the fact that he'd known they were coming was enough to make him sick.

"Bobby?" He could hear the concern in her voice and immediately felt guilty. Turning to face his partner, he managed to give her a reassuring smile.

"I'm fine."

His response seemed to satisfy her, and she smiled back before returning her attention to the road. Bobby went back to staring blankly out the window, thoughts flitting in and out of his busy mind.

_…there was so much blood…_

Rain began to fall, and he could hear the gentle swish, swish of the wipers when Alex flicked them on.

Bobby shuddered as he tried to ignore the voice. But he couldn't.

Bobby nearly jumped out of his skin when Alex slammed the door shut. Looking around, he realized that they were back at the plaza. He could see his partner looking at him quizzically outside the car, and he mentally scolded himself for being so jumpy. But it had sounded so much like the gun firing…

"C'mon Goren. Ballistics is gonna need to see your gun, then we can start in on the paper work. We'll be lucky if were outta here by sunup."

Bobby nodded and followed Alex to the elevator, and once inside, he could again feel her watching him.

He blinked, trying to keep the tears in check, trying so hard to hold onto anything that was real so he wouldn't lose it.

At there desks, Bobby tried to focus on the mountain of paperwork, subconsciously trying to justify his actions.

Alex watched him from the corner of her eye. She could honestly say that she'd never seen him like this. Bobby Goren was a complicated man who rarely let anyone into his head. His personal thoughts were his alone, and he tended to guard them rather jealously. Times like this were infuriating to Alex. She could see him struggling, drowning in his own feeling, and she was helpless to do anything about it.

"Eames." Looking up, Alex saw that Deakins was beckoning her into his office. Giving Bobby a quick reassuring look, she wearily made her way to Deakins office.

Closing the door behind her, the older man smiled. "Rough night?"

Alex sighed. "I'll say, though more for Bobby than me."

Deakins' smile faded and he nodded gravely. "I need to hear what happened in there. Hector Ramos is supposed to be sitting in lock-up right now. And I need to hear it all now before someone tries to pin it on you or Goren."

Alex took a deep breath. She had nothing to worry about. Hector had come close to killing Bobby. Her partner's actions were purely self defense.

"Bobby got up to the apartment first and had his gun drawn. We'd already heard the shots." She began, unsure of why she was feeling so nervous all of a sudden. "The kids were in one of the back rooms, and Bobby had Hector on the floor in the living room. The kids were screaming that he'd shot their sister, so I ran back there to help and radioed EMS."

Deakins interrupted her. "Did Bobby have Ramos cuffed?"

Alex nodded. "I saw him put the cuffs on him."

Deakins nodded for her to go on. "Anyway, the little girl wasn't breathing, so I started CPR. A few seconds later I heard the shot and ran back to the living room and found Hector dead." She shuddered, remembering the fear she had felt for Bobby when she heard it, and the image of him with a bullet hole in him, falling lifeless to the ground, had flashed through her brain. Instead, the scene that met her eyes was Bobby standing as if frozen, shirt covered with blood, staring down at Hector Ramos' body.

Deakins looked thoughtful for a moment, then nodded. "Make sure that's what the report says. I don't need any trouble from downtown on this. Is Goren alright?"

Alex nodded. "He said he was fine."

Her boss arched an eyebrow. "Somehow, I doubt that." Looking beyond the glass walls of the office, Alex could see that Bobby's chair was vacated, his coat gone, and paperwork neglected.

"I'll go talk to him."

Grabbing her own coat and hurrying toward the elevator, Alex hoped to find her partner somewhere within the vicinity of the building. He couldn't have gone far. He just wanted to get out of his head for a few minutes, get some air, she told herself.

Sure enough, Bobby was hunched over on a bench, holding his head in his hands. Coming up behind him, Alex gently placed a hand on his shoulder. She was startled when he shrugged it off and growled something inaudible at her.

"What?"

"Go away." He snapped. He looked up, and Alex could tell he'd been crying. Taking a seat next to him, she looked into his face.

"Bobby, seriously, you're scaring me. What the hell is wrong?"

He managed a dry chuckle. "Yeah, you think I'm scary now. You should have seen me earlier today."

_"Hey, what are you…?"_

_"I said you're under arrest."_

_But he was too late. Hector lunged backwards at him before he could get the cuffs on. Bobby heard rather than saw the gun Hector pulled from his belt. He didn't have time to look for it, he knew it was there and could have sworn he heard the man pull it out of his belt. It took him only a split second to pullout his own piece and fire two rapid, close-range shots into him. Then he had watched him fall to the floor, an expression of surprise on his features. Bobby stared at the body. There was so much blood. It covered the carpet and the back of Hector's shirt, and it began to soak his pants and the gun that was still tucked into his belt. Swallowing, feeling his heart going like a trip hammer in his chest, Bobby pulled the gun out and examined it. There was no clip in it. Horrified, He dropped the useless weapon to the ground wondering what he'd done._

"Bobby…?" The concern in Alex's voice was too much for him to bear. He didn't deserve her sympathy. He had shot a defenseless man because he thought he had heard him draw a weapon.

"Eames, I..I..I killed him." He stated, and began to sob uncontrollably. He felt her wrap her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

"Bobby, the guy had a gun. You had no way of knowing that it wasn't loaded."

"Alex, he didn't even have the gun out. And if those kids statement are true, then Hector was innocent. I killed him." He managed to choke out, feeling the guilt begin to overwhelm him.

Alex felt for the big man. Only half an hour after the incident, Deakins had informed them that they'd apprehended a suspect whom the children had identified as their sister's killer. Hector had indeed been innocent.

Bobby rose suddenly. "I need to get outta here." He mumbled.

Alex nodded. "Go home. I'll finish all the paperwork. Try and get some rest, huh?"

She knew he wouldn't, but felt better anyway when he nodded and assured her that he would.

"Detective Goren!" As he was turning to leave, he heard the woman calling his name, and was tempted to pretend not to hear. He recognized the voice. It was Hector's wife. Drawing a shaky breath, he turned to look at face her, prepared to accept responsibility for her husband's death.

Halfway back into the building, Alex's head snapped around when she heard the screaming.

"You bastard! You killed him! Now what am I gonna do?"

She never gave him the chance to answer. Wiping the tears from her face, she pulled out a gun and fired four quick shots into Bobby.

Alex was moving before Bobby had even collapsed in a heap on the ground, her gun out. Raising it, she called "Mrs. Ramos, put the weapon down." The woman turned around sobbing her eyes out, and dropped it. Other officers came swarming out of the building to take her into custody. She offered no resistance, but kept screaming at Bobby's still form.

A sickening feeling began to form in Alex's gut as she sprinted across the plaza towards her partner. Bobby was on his back, a pool of blood spreading around him as he struggles to get air into his lungs. His eyes were glazed over, staring wonderingly at the sky as rain pelted the sidewalk all around him.

Reaching Bobby, Alex knelt down next to him, shoving her hands into the oozing wounds on his chest to slow the bleeding. "Somebody call the paramedics!" she screamed, tears mixing in with the rain as they streamed down her face.

TBC…


	2. Chapter 2

Many thanks to everyone who read and offered comments on chapter one. They were much appreciated. Hope chapter two doesn't disappoint.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.

The dark purples, blues and grays of the cloudy night sky swirled together into one dizzying portrait of color. All Bobby Goren was aware of, however, was the rain. Each drop felt strangely different on his skin-some were ice cold, some stingingly hot, others just refreshing. He felt each one separately and tried to force his mind to concentrate on them as they hit him, as though he could block out every other sensation he was feeling.

But he couldn't. His chest was on fire and a warm, sick feeling was beginning to spread through his stomach. He was sure he would have screamed were it not for the blood that was filling his throat and mouth, choking him. Bobby began to lose his focus on the rain as his ears faintly registered the noise and chaos around him.

"Somebody call the paramedics!" a frantic voice screamed. Bobby felt small hands bury themselves against the wounds in his chest. Who was that? he wondered dazedly.

Slowly tearing his eyes away from the clouds, Bobby turned to see his partner on the ground next to him, tears streaming unchecked down her lovely face.

"That's good Bobby. Stay with me. Try to stay awake." Alex was trying to comfort him, sound reassuring, but her voice shook and Bobby could detect the slight note of panic that he knew she was trying so hard to hide. He wanted so badly to tell her not to cry, that everything would be alright, but his efforts proved impossible. He tried to utter a few comforting words to Alex, but only managed a painful gurgling sound. He felt something warm running down his chin and neck, soaking the collar of his shirt. He knew it was his own blood, but as the clouds and Alex's face blurred and eventually faded to darkness, somehow, all he could think about was how in the world he was going to get these damn blood stains out of his shirt.

Alex Eames felt her heart pounding somewhere up in her throat as she watched Bobby's eyes flutter shut.

"No Bobby! Stay awake! You have to stay awake!" She hardly recognized her own voice. She was on the verge of panic, and she took a deep breath, telling herself that she couldn't afford herself the luxury of panic right now. Looking around, she was able to feel at least one ounce of relief when she saw the flashing red lights of an ambulance. Two paramedics were scrambling out of the vehicle, loaded down with bright red med bags.

_They better have something good in those…_

"Ma'am, step aside please." Alex barely heard the man as he gently pulled her away from her partner. Standing to the side, she could only look on as they tried to work their medical miracles.

"There's no pulse," the younger one was saying, looking to his partner.

"Alright, charge the paddles to three hundred."

She watched as the younger one cut off Bobby's shirt, and was horrified as she took in the bloody mess that was supposed to be his chest.

"Clear!" The older paramedic placed the paddles on Bobby's chest and his body jerked as it was jolted with electricity. A check of the monitors showed nothing. Alex felt as though her heart, too, had ceased beating.

_C'mon Bobby… please…_

"Okay, charge again to three fifty." She heard the whine of the defibrillator, but had to force her eyes away this time as they shocked him. She heard the jolt, then accompanied by a slow beep, beep.

"I got a pulse. Weak, but its there. He's stable enough to transport."

Quickly, but with painstaking care, the two paramedics rolled Bobby onto a backboard, then lifted him (which involved some amount of effort) onto the crash cart. They began rolling him away, off to their rig.

Alex managed somehow to recover enough from her momentary shock to follow them. They were loading him into the back, and the older one was shutting the doors. She grabbed his arm.

"Please, I'm his partner. Let me stay with him, please."

He frowned for a moment, then opened the door back up.

"Hurry up, and don't get in the way."

Within moments, the ambulance pulled off and the only evidence of the incident was the blood that covered the sidewalk.

Inside the rig, Alex sat stone still, her face grim as she watched the younger paramedic work on Bobby. She had no idea what he was doing as he began administering drugs through an i.v. that he had started. He had fitted a breathing mask over Bobby's face. Seeing her partner and best friend like this made Alex begin to cry more, but she blinked the tears away quickly. She had to stay strong for Bobby.

"Can I help?" she asked, watching as the paramedic did what seemed to be about twenty different things at once.

He gave her a glance that reflected the doubt he felt for this patient. Wanting to keep the woman's hopes up though, he said, "Pray."

It wasn't the answer that Alex had wanted to hear. Still, she took Bobby's hand and closed her eyes. It felt icy cold and unresponsive. Opening her eyes, she squeezed his hand and whispered, "You're going to be alright Bobby. I know it. You're gonna be just fine."

"Two minutes out." The paramedic up front called. To Alex, the two minutes seemed like an eternity, and she lived and died with every beep of the monitor that showed Bobby's heart activity, silently praying with each one that it wouldn't be his last.

Finally, the ambulance screeched to a halt and the doors were flung open. Beyond them were a doctor and some nurses, already scrambling to help lift Bobby out of the rig.

Things were a blur to Alex as she heard confusing medical terminology flying in all directions, saw the lights from the ambulance still flashing as Bobby was lost to her amidst a sea of doctors and nurses. Shaking away the shock that had once again crept up on her, Alex climbed out of the ambulance and hurried after them. They turned a corner and entered a room marked as Trauma 2. Alex tried to follow as the doors swung shut behind Bobby, but she was blocked by a kind looking nurse who gently took her arm.

"Miss, you can't go in there."

"But… but, that's my…"

"The doctors need room to work. You'll need to wait out here." Alex couldn't believe what the woman was telling her. There was no way that she was going to keep her from staying next to Bobby.

"He's my partner." She began to object.

"Yes, I understand. But you're going to have to stay out of the trauma room. We'll keep you updated." Leading her gently away, she asked, "Is there anyone one I can call for you miss?"

Alex thought a moment, then felt a hand on her shoulder. "No, not for the moment."

The nurse nodded, when Deakins spoke, and repeated, "We'll keep you updated." She walked away, leaving Alex and Deakins alone in the hallway.

"How bad is he? Alex?"

She looked up, as though she hadn't noticed him standing there with his arm on her shoulder.

"What?"

"How bad is he?" The concern on Deakins' face mirrored the worry Alex was feeling. Slowly shaking her head, she tried to tell him.

"I… I… he…" She felt her voice break, and broke down, sobbing into Deakins' shoulder. She felt him embrace her, holding her close, trying to comfort her. Her legs went weak, and she was glad when he led her over to the row of chairs that were against the wall, which she hadn't noticed earlier.

"He's gonna make it Alex. Bobby's tough."

She shook her head, unable to believe it after what she had seen. "There was so much blood…"she sobbed. "He was soaked in it. He couldn't breathe because it was all in his mouth. He was drowning." Alex felt herself collapse into Deakins' arms, burying her head against him. There had been a lot of blood. More than she had ever seen at any crime scene. For a few moments, she allowed herself to sob out all of the fear and uncertainty that had been threatening to overwhelm her. Alex was grateful for Deakins' presence. She knew she could never have sat there by herself waiting hear what was happening to her friend. After what seemed like only minutes, but turned out to have been an entire hour, her sobs began to fade away, and then stopped completely as she struggled to find some amount of composure. Sitting up, she looked down at her hands. They were sticky and red with Bobby's blood, as was the front of her shirt. Shakily, Alex stood up.

"I need to go clean up." She murmured, unable to take her eyes away from her bloody hands. Deakins nodded, knowing there wasn't anything he could really say to her that could make her feel any better. He knew that Alex wouldn't even begin to feel better until she could see Bobby, face to face, hear him talk and know that he was safe.

In the bathroom, Alex ran warm water and began to scrub the now dry blood from her hands. As she watched it disappear down the drain, she felt hopelessness rise in her heart. Never in all her years working with him had she been able to imagine that anything could happen to Bobby. He was so strong. Always five steps ahead of everyone else. She never believed he could be taken by surprise like he had by Mrs. Ramos. But he had. And if that could happen, Alex was afraid of what else was possible.

Satisfied that the blood was gone from her hands, she switched over to cold water and splashed it on her face. Gradually, she began to feel her heart return to its normal place in her chest. Taking a deep breath to compose herself, she exited the restroom and made her way back towards Trauma 2. A crowd of officers and detectives was beginning to grow in the waiting area, and Alex quietly slipped past them as she walked back to the hallway outside of the trauma room. It took her a few minutes to realize that she and Deakins were the only ones that the nurse had allowed back this far, and it brought some small amount of comfort to her to know that she was so close to Bobby. She tried to ignore the irony of the situation-she'd finally come to realize how much she cared for Bobby Goren, only to have him taken away.

Turning the corner, Alex's heart skipped a beat when she saw Deakins standing up and talking with one of Bobby's doctors. She hurried over, terror welling up inside her at the thought of him reporting Bobby's death.

"What's happened?" she demanded, slightly breathless.

Deakins' expression, while still one of concern, immediately calmed her nerves.

"Dr. Walton was just telling me that they have him stabilized. He needs to go to surgery for…" he trailed off, looking to the doctor to explain everything.

"One of the bullets collapsed his lung-its repairable, and not really the biggest of our concerns. Bobby was losing a lot of blood, and we found that another bullet had nicked his aorta," Alex's breath caught in her throat. "…which is also repairable, but it's a long and delicate operation. Like I said, he's already lost a lot of blood, and his chances aren't very good. The other two bullets appear to have missed all vital organs, but there's no way to know for sure until we get inside him."

The doors to the trauma room swung open, and nurses rolled Bobby out on a gurney, on their way to the elevator.

Leaving the doctor, Alex rushed over to him. She was shocked at what she saw. Bobby's face was ghostly pale, his eyes still closed. The doctors had put a tube down his throat to keep him breathing, and one of the nurses was periodically squeezing the bag attached to it, preserving Bobby's life as best she could. The had covered him with a sterile looking hospital blanket to help ward off shock and keep people from looking at his terrible injuries, but blood was already seeping through that, and Alex wondered just how much more of it Bobby could have left in him.

She took his hand, hoping to feel some response from him, but there was none. The elevator opened, and the nurses pushed the gurney inside, ripping his hand from Alex's grasp. She didn't notice when Deakins once again placed his arm around her shoulders, but just stared at the elevator doors long after they had closed, the doctor's words ringing in her ears.

_…his chances aren't very good._

Alex could only pray that when they brought Bobby back down, they wouldn't be taking him home, and not to the morgue.

TBC…


	3. Chapter 3

OK, so this is just to kind of tide everybody over until I figure out where this story is going. Just to keep the interest up. Nothing really happens.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.

The muted church bells boomed softly inside the tall, gothic bell tower. An already small group of black clad mourners grew smaller as one by one they turned away from the graveyard. They were walking slowly away from an ominous, black coffin, strewn now with roses, the mourners' last parting gift to the man resting inside.

Then, quite unexpectedly, blaring and upbeat jazz music began to play, and a man began to speak about all of the wonderful qualities of his new, innovative fabric softener.

"It'll have your clothes-", the screen went blank, and Alex set the t.v. control down, sighing. Ever since the day that Hector Ramos had been killed, the news had been showing that same clip of his funeral at least five times a day. And it was always followed by a black and white picture of NYPD Detective Robert Goren, then Mrs. Ramos sobbing at her arraignment about how shooting the detective was justice.

Alex Eames was getting tired of the media's spin on the incident. Controversy had broken out over whether or not Bobby should be charged with murder, and whether Mrs. Ramos' actions could be justified. Of course, the respective answers were no, and no. But none of the ratings-hungry channels seemed to be able to comprehend this, of if they did, they just didn't give a damn.

Alex yawned and looked over at the clock. It was only 7:30, and hospital visiting hours didn't start until 9. All the same though, she went into her room and began to get dressed to go. She took her time in selecting a blouse, settling on a lilac colored one that would look casual yet presentable. Halfway through buttoning the front, she stopped. Why was she worried about what she looked like? Bobby wouldn't see her anyway. It had now been a week since four hot pieces of lead had shattered his body, and although the surgery had reportedly gone well, Bobby hadn't moved once, or even opened his eyes. Alex finished buttoning her shirt, trying not to let the tears escape. It seemed like all she had done for Bobby was cry. Crying wasn't going to help him, she told herself. Being strong and supportive of her partner was all she could do. But Alex had been doing that for a week now, and there'd been no change.

The surgeon who had operated on Bobby said that he had crashed on the operating table. They had brought him back by shocking him, but Bobby had lost a lot of blood and his brain had been deprived of oxygen longer than it could stand. Alex had been too shocked even to cry when the doctor had said that Bobby had about a ten percent chance of waking up. She just couldn't believe it. Bobby Goren, her partner. Tall, strong, brilliant Bobby. A vegetable with a breathing tube shoved down his throat keeping his body alive.

Alex shook her head as she began to gather up her purse and coat. It wasn't certain yet. His doctors were giving him another week before making it official. She couldn't give up yet. It was still her job to be strong and optimistic, even if she didn't feel like it. Her parents had sat with her at the hospital for three days, but it soon became evident in their eyes that they didn't believe Bobby would be waking up. Grateful for their support, but unable to endure their pity, Alex had sent them away on the fourth day and remained alone with her partner, praying that he might so much as move a finger, or anything that would show the slightest sign of life.

The subway was nearly empty at this hour of the morning, and Alex was glad to be able to have a seat to herself and her thoughts. When it arrived at her spot, she wearily stood and exited, reluctantly making her way to the stairs.

"Alex!"

Her head snapped up at the voice, and her eyes landed on Captain Deakins. Alex stopped dead in her tracks as he hurried over to her, her heart beating like timpani in a Mahler symphony ( a big mvt., of course). As Deakins came closer, she saw that his expression was excited and happy.

"Bobby-?" was all Alex could think to say. Deakins nodded his head, breathless.

"He's awake."

TBC……………………………………………………………………………….


	4. Chapter 4

My goodness! It sure has been awhile. To be honest with y'all, I had forgotten that I was even writing this fanfic. But here's chapter 4 now.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.

Bobby Goren was dizzy. He was dizzy, and sick and tired all at once. And while he hadn't exactly enjoyed being shot, he would not have minded at the moment falling back into his coma if it would have meant an escape from this awful nausea he was feeling.

Overhead, he could hear voices. Somebody, a man, was speaking slowly in deep bass tones. Every so often, Bobby would hear the voice stop and a smaller voice, a woman's, would speak, her tones often questioning. After what seemed an eternity, Bobby heard the door to his room swing open and soft footsteps making their way towards him. Opening his eyes, he groggily looked up into several faces, some familiar, others not. But there was one that stood out, shining more brightly and looking more beautiful than any other face. As it came closer to him, Bobby could see the unshed tears in her eyes, and it only worsened the pain he was already feeling.

Nonetheless, he was overjoyed at seeing Alex, and when she enfolded him in a relieved and happy hug, he wished that she would never let go. Bobby could feel her warm breath on his neck and the determined tears that had finally worked their way free of her eyes. Weakly, he brought his arm up around her, feeling her warm body and strong muscled back, and he was glad that she was real.

"I missed you." He heard her whisper.

Bobby sighed and smiled, closing his eyes. "I missed you too, Alex."

After another moment, his partner pulled away and he reluctantly released her. When he looked at Alex, again she was smiling and he noticed that she had not let go of his hand. Bobby looked over at the other three people in the room then. Deakins was back, as was the female doctor who had been in the room that morning when he had woken up. There was also another doctor, a man that Bobby didn't recognize. He had a pleasant face, although it had the appearance of many years of hard living. He introduced himself, and Bobby identified him as the owner of the bass voice he had heard earlier.

"Hello Mr.Goren. I'm Dr.Keyworth. I was your thoracic surgeon last week. How are you feeling?"

Bobby feebly cleared his throat before speaking. "Not too bad considering." His voice was only a little more than a hoarse whisper, and a week of not talking had made his throat sore. "Although I imagine that I've been pumped to the max with drugs, so…" He felt Alex squeeze his hand and smiled.

"That's true enough Mr. Goren. Anyway, this lovely lady here is Dr.Rann."he said, introducing the other doctor.

Bobby nodded at her, trying again to smile. His back was absolutely killing him, and if somebody didn't put out the fire on his chest, he thought he might scream. But looking over at Alex again, he felt his pain ease in a way. Her presence alone was more comforting than any painkiller would have been.

He knew that Dr.Rann was speaking to him, and he knew he was being horribly rude, but her droning voice and Alex's soft, cool hand were dreadfully calming. Nodding slowly as though he were listening to the doctor, Bobby's eyes gradually began to ease close. After a moment or two, the voice stopped, and he heard Dr.Rann quietly ask if he had fallen asleep. Deakins chuckled, and Dr.Keyworth asked him if he would care to continue speaking outside.

Footsteps shuffled slowly away from Bobby's bed this time, and he heard the door swing open.

"Alex, are you coming?" Deakins asked.

Bobby felt her body shift slightly as she turned to face her boss. "No. I'm going to stay with Bobby."

Deakins nodded, and the door closed softly behind him, leaving Alex alone with Bobby.

TBC?

I don't know people…What do you think? I really don't know where the frack this thing is headed. R&R. All suggestions are more than welcome.


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